Still adhering to the railroad....
But - maybe there's tunnels along the track...
And maybe those tunnels, while allowing the track to remain steady, just cast "darkness" over everything - even the good stuff.
But maybe, for the duration of the tunnel, believing there's cracks of light that seep through, startling you through the darkness, infusing hope - giving peace that the tunnel won't last forever.
Been a lot of cracks to letting the light shine through this week...
The by and large of Christmas decorating that was going to get done is done. Down 1 tree, all the windows are dark except one, the moravian star is the centerpiece - solitary & shining bright on the front porch. It's become a joke (like laugh rather than cry joke) that probably over half of the lights or lighted decorations we've pulled out have been overwhelming burned out. So, back in the box they went - taking it as a sign from God, "you don't need the garland this year - thus, I've snuffed the lights for you...you're welcome." Note to God - point taken, means - not appreciated :)
As I put the garland back in the box last Saturday morning & gave the box sort of a kick of frustration, here comes John w.his ball & bat, "wanna play baseball?" 2 line drives later, I was glad the garland was back in the box & I was having that moment w.John. What will John remember 30 years from now, "man, mama sure put out some pretty, LIGHTED garland there on the porch" or "man, my mama just got out there & played ball w.me - telling me over & over, 'plant your feet buddy - bat up, watch the ball'."
Last Saturday found Seth down for the count most of the morning. Luckily, Mimi was there step in - getting breakfast started, letting me get outside w.John for a bit and generally just being open to keeping her pj's on for the 1st half of the day. It's how we roll on Saturdays - glad she jumped right on in & joined us. We had a good visit w.her & Grampaw. Not going to go into how Christmas Vacation'y the evening jaunt to Meadow to see the lights got. Not going to talk about trains that didn't get ridden or that we drove all the way to Newton Grove for Smithfield's. A promise of better trains to ride, 2 stuffed reindeer named "Benson" and delirium from Jingle Bell'ing all the way back to Raleigh later - we were a tired, but deliriously merry bunch...definitely a memory that won't soon be forgotten :)
Sunday was a great day for us by most accounts. I got my spaghetti sauce simmering early while Seth wrangled to get the big tree up in the bonus room - "bain of his existence" is his endearing reference to said tree. It's pre-lit, but hardly anymore - more like haphazardly lit w/dark, gaping holes here & there. It's the "family tree", so after we filled the dark abysses with a strand of lights - I must say it was so enjoyable to decorate the tree while he, John & Ella played on the floor beside me (deep sigh-big crack of light). Pulling out the baby ornaments for all of us and other sentimental ones we've acquired through the years - just surreal to do that while my greatest blessings are right there beside me.
At naptime on Sunday, we brought up the wine, spent some time with the Griswold's (1st of many I hope) and enjoyed cuddling there with the tree in the periphery. A best life moment - lots of cracks of light in that one :)
We've had a good week at home. Ella & John have been making us laugh & keeping us busy. John's still singing his lil' heart out w.every other breath & Ella's jabbering up a storm. Our house is bountiful in joyful noises :)
We got to leave work early yesterday for the oh-so-anticipated Christmas Program at school. It was a blessing that all of the grandparents came to see it. I asked Seth last night, is it weird that you hardly see any other children but your own when they're all up there together - he said no :). John's class sounded like they were whispering their song at times, but I could see my lil' buddy's lips just a moving, singing along. I think we counted 2-3 times though, that he just stepped up- grabbed the mic & I still don't know what he was "singing" into it. Glad he found his lil' voice -hahaha. Later in the program, Ms Margaret wheeled all the "snowbabies" in and there was Ella Bella, hat on & everything. Cutest snowbaby by far. We all had the pleasure of seeing the light spread across her face when she turned and saw us sitting there. Seth got a great picture of it (of course I don't have it at the moment) - but it was such an expression of joy - could have lit the room :). We were so proud of them as were all the other googly eyed parents & grandparents snapping & filming away - we were in good company, ha. After the program we all headed over to Rudino's for a good dinner & some laughs - a blessed afternoon & evening, for sure.
Slowly getting Christmas cards done - they are usually mailed/received by this time. Not this year :) Gave stacks to the grandparents to distribute, gonna piddle and get the rest done over the weekend. Been finishing up the shopping list as I go along - usually have all shopping done by this time & presents under the tree. Not this year :) I think most of my shopping's done and now all that awaits is Mt. Pile O Christmas up in my craft closet. Now, if I could schedule the Wrapping Fairy to pop in & knock out the rest, I'd be set. It'll get done :) (note: daunting task of christmas wrapping - not a crack of light).
John's back to his "thankful prayers." We need to record this as we know how fleeting they can be. Seth & I have both been doing bedtime w.him this week. After Nana reads (thank you Hallmark books) us The Night Before Christmas or Away In A Manger (John's name for the Christmas Story), we kneel by John's bed & tuck him in. He asks us to bow our heads & if we don't bow them enough he helps push them into position :) Then he starts his laundry list of "thankful for's"...good thing our heads are so bowed & it's dark so he can't see us shaking w.laughter or nudging each other. The other night, his list included Christmas, reindeer, his dinosaur on his wall, his wall itself, the closet, the door, scarves & mama's necklace. Last night, it was practicing for the Christmas program, his new Spiderman, baby Jesus "who saves us" (holy smokes, big nudge on that one), getting to wear pj's to school and then I interject, "in Jesus name, Amen." The other night, I interrupted and said that God would probably have a hard time remembering it all - we should probably wrap things up. As I type that, shaking my head a bit - God would never tire of hearing us counting our blessings and giving Him His due glory. I'll find a little peace in knowing that I'm ceasing the prayers in the interest of a tired boy going to sleep :) Along those lines, read something compelling the other day..."What if you woke up tomorrow with only the blessings you thanked God for today?" Guess John's on the right track with his laundry list prayer model....note to self.
Heading to Winston tonight, Hayden's 1st bday party tomorrow. A long day ahead of us on that, but counting the blessing of celebrating his 1st year - a happy & healthy boy :) Another weekend away - but surrounded by family/friends - as I alluded to previously, minimal preparing, maximum receiving this holiday season.
Next week's a busy one for me - some moments ahead that I know the cracks of light won't be shining through (praying on those - trying to give them over), followed by all awesomeness from Wednesday on :). Got Chatham County Line on Wed. (woot woot), a big girls day w.Nana on Thursday and a lil' Christmas gathering w.friends next Saturday night. Keeping chin up for the bright spots I know await :)
Thanks to Kimberly, here's lil' crack of light moment - you can see it all over my
A laugh from the week
A "don't have words for"
A challenge for today and everyday
And finally a lil' sarcasm to round things out...
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Happy colda$$ WACDD - bundle up, have a drink handy and find your merry :)
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Clark: Our holidays were always such a mess.
Clark Sr.: Oh, yeah.
Clark: How'd you get through it?
Clark Sr.: I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.
