I completely concur with the above. Last night we found ourselves sitting on the bed, talking. When we're in those moments we count blessings, we laugh, we cry, we remember. We often talk about family, people we know, stories we've read - we marvel at the strength and resiliency of the human heart. We're astonished at the faith & perseverance. We're humbled past the point of words. I am grateful that Seth & I both take the time to empathize with those walking in much tougher shoes. We allow ourselves to be affected by their pain & hardship - we pray for them and keep them close in thought. We strive to be better for each other and for our children, consciously trying to not take any of this for granted...
Along the lines of the above, I'll say that having 1 child taught us something about time speeding up. Having 2 has increased it's passage exponentially. I find myself so thankful that the learning curve of the first teaches you to pause every chance you get - moments fleeting.
So, life at the moment ~
Ella started daycare yesterday. I've been working on my "check-list" for almost a week now- gradually collecting all of her lil' stuff that she'd need. The label maker was back from it's 2 yr hiatus...last name still the same.
John rode to school with Seth and I took Ella in my car as we made our way to the daycare. I waited "up top" for Seth to drop John off so we could take her in together. Once out of the care I carried all the gear, Seth carried Ella & we made our way down the lil' hallway to the infant room. We were both smiling at the familiarity, the not-so-long-ago memory of John being there and the excitement of taking Ella to meet Ms. Ruth. When we opened the door, there she was, sweet Ms. Ruth welcoming us with a big smile! I am smiling as I write this - it was sweet the familiarity of it all, Ruth's excitement over Ella and knowing how loved on our lil' girl is going to be there.
We got all her lil' stuff put in her cubbies, her blanket laid over her crib and bottles loaded into the fridge. Ella was no shortage of smiles for Ruth - she jabbered a lil' as well. I told Ruth she loves to be talked to and she's quite the "talker" herself. Another lil' girl, Marly, who's mom works downstairs came in as we were getting Ella settled. The mom teaches one of the 2 year old rooms downstairs, so she knows John and was happy to meet Ella. She asked how old she was and we realized quickly that Marly being a month older and about 1/2 Ella's size meant our lil' sweet pea looked like a big ol' bulldog (fyi: I mean that in the most endearing way).
Marly's mom asked, "do you not cry with the 2nd one?!". I said, "I guess not" - gesturing to Ruth and commenting on how well they are cared for. Although you know you'll miss them, knowing what I know now, I couldn't wish for better care for my children. And as she did with John, Ruth told us "to think about her, but not to worry." So we told Ella goodbye, I gave Ruth a hug and we closed the door. Before leaving, we paused and peered through the lil' window in the door @ Ella, swinging away. We walked away smiling...
Since we did it with John, we took ourselves to breakfast after the initial drop off. Biscuitville, no IHOP this time. As we sat down, I said I felt a lil' bad for not crying or being more upset. As Seth reassured me, there was no reason for either of us to feel the way we did w.John - we know what we're in for & we know what a blessing it's been for our family. We did reminisce some on the tears shed the morning we took him. The way we stood in that infant room and it felt like the air was leaving the room while the walls closed in. We remembered how we literally had to "collect" ourselves over breakfast before trying to go to work. I vividly remember the physical ache I felt leaving him like that. If I thought about that long & hard enough, I could probably conjure some tears for it even now.
But, there were none of those feelings this time. Sure, I miss her and I was anxious to hold her last night when I got home. Sure, some days will be harder than others. Sure, pumping SUCKS and I miss that lil' warm body against me. Sure, I don't care that much about mundane work stuff. Sure, it stinks that our evenings will seem shrinking because we're now both out of the house all day.
BUT, the big "but" of it all - is that it's ok. It's ok b/c I know in my heart it will be, I know God's not dealing me more than is meant for me to handle and I know one day at a time is all that I'm given and all I'm expected to manage. Life's way busier and fuller than it's ever been, but there's an amazing peace that our home is filled with right now. Doesn't make it any less busy, but there's great joy in the tasks and the "ends" that warrant all the many "means" we find ourselves enthralled in each day.
So, we're soaking up our lil' miss sunshine - so full of smiles & chatter. Her eyes shine & her whole face lights up with her consuming grin. It's pure sunshine. We have a burgeoning 2 1/2 year old who keeps us on our toes relentlessly. His wit, his charm, his tenacity, his stubbornness - he amazes, he frustrates, he amuses - more than anything, he makes us so proud. We know each day holds the promise of yet another surprise of something new that he's saying or doing. We see him beginning to emulate us in every way.
And although he has to constantly be reminded to "be easy" - we love watching John & Ella together. He is her sunshine & she desperately seeks his attention. He is just as anxious for hers too - showing her his dinosaurs or telling her what he's watching on TV. He's become very good at helping her get her paci in, covering her up, disposing of her diapers and trying to keep her hands out of her mouth! She's the only person he gives full on kisses to. I can hear in my mind the high pitched voice he gets when exclaiming, "hers smiling-ning." I know there will come a time when he's yanking those same toys from her but for now I'm enjoying his desire and excitement for her to share in all things John.
So, that's our kinda life at the moment. We're slowly edging into some better sleep habits, John's slowly edging into potty training (we're underwear over the diaper at the moment), we're slowly edging into this new phase and morning routine - we're slowly edging into 2011. Because 2010 started out with a horizon full of "plans" and ended with the blessing of a beautiful baby girl - we don't hold on to those ill-conceived reigns of life like we used to.
Like I said - moments...fleeting...
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