A love letter...

Dear Seth,

Took a moment to run even later this morning searching in vain for my AWOL cds amidst your stack in the garage. I didn't find what I was looking for, but I did come across "Here In the Real World, Pt. 2" (I assume circa 2003ish) and decided to enjoy that on the ride in :) I'm sure anyone who looked over at me as I was driving had to notice the grin that was spread wide across my face all the way into town...

I don't know that I will ever tire of trips down "memory lane" of the time spent falling in love with you. I doubt recollection of those moments, kept alive through various token reminders, will ever stop warming my heart or bringing a smile to my face. When we come across letters we've written, mementos kept, "our songs"...the pieces of our love story are nothing short of delightful. I can wholeheartedly say that loving you (and having you love me back) will be forever be one of the greatest joys of my life. #2 & #3 are by-products of that endearing love :)

Some of the songs on that cd this morning were songs about love that I fell in love w.long before you. They became "our songs" b/c you helped manifest all the dreams and beliefs about love they were talking about. Before you I had hopes of what my lasting love would be & then you came along and exceeded everything I could have imagined. 9 years later - I'm still surprised & humbled :)

One of the songs, "More Than Words" - I think that's the first time I've listened to that all the way through in years. One line repeated in the chorus, "What would you say if I took those words away..." - as compelling to me now as it was as a teenager falling in love with that song so many years ago. Although "I love you" is spoken many times a day in our home, if we didn't have those words to say, I believe our actions speak so much louder than those 3 simple little words. Things we do to lighten each other's "load", the affections we show out of loving habit, the laughter we share, the way there is no space between us when beside each other - unable to be close enough...those actions speak a million I love you's w/o ever saying a word.

The beaming faces of those lil' sunshines God has blessed us with - such a beautiful reflection of the love we share. I always knew your kind & loving demeanor would make you a wonderful Deddy - seeing that become a reality, I only fall deeper in love. There was a moment before you knew I was there last night, watching you hold Ella on the porch - I was reminded of how blessed I am to be on this life journey with you. Not only are you loving, but you are capable and strong in ways you don't even realize. I see it & in their own lil' ways, your children do to. Deddy's arms will be the solace for them as they've always been for me. I count that as a wonderful blessing.

And I know you like to joke when I praise your parenting about getting your "cookie" for "doing what you're supposed to do" - and while we both see the truth & humor in that, in all sincerity, it's appreciated more than I'm capable of expressing. You don't have to do it so unselfishly, so lovingly, so honestly, so diligently, so joyfully - yet you do it anyways. And I know we both have our breaking moments (thankfully never at the same time) - thank you for continuing to be my pillar in those moments. I only hope I am as steadfast for you as you always are for me.

The "sum" of it - thank you for being you. Thank you for always being you. Thank you for letting me be me - especially in those moments where my "me" is less than. Thank you for being the ear that listens, the arms that comfort, the laugh that warms, the landing place I can count on in every way.

Beyond the falling in love & the euphoria in that - I don't know that I ever imagined or dreamed much past that. Though if I had, I doubt the story would have played out quite as lovely or endearing...

In our story, I'm so glad the boy got the girl...love truly is a "sweet dream." I loved you then, I love you now - I'll love you even more tomorrow...

A quote I included in a Christmas letter I wrote you in '05 - we had just got engaged days earlier...as true now as it was then -

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is
finally better than your dreams. ~Dr. Seuss

Either the "reality" is so good or one of them babies are crying - either way, there's still no one I'd rather lose sleep with :)

I love you darlin' ~ always