12.30.11
...it's late - the house is quiet, babies asleep. Just me, some thoughts - a need to empty this sponge I've been filling.
Never has a time been so (insert words I can't articulate) in my life. Never.
Having such a "never" time in my life sure made for a different perspective coming into this Christmas season. So many of the things I love about this time of year felt unfound. A longing was felt where joy usually radiates. I put on my big girl pants more than I thought I'd be able to - kept a smile on my face, tears at bay.
Eventually I did "find" Christmas - rather, I guess it found me. Yesterday, I was looking at a picture taken over 30 yrs ago of my sister, Truffles (the dog) and my dad in the backyard beside the well - many inches of snow on the ground. Looking at that picture in the sunlight coming through a window that held pretty much the same view/perspective from which that picture was taken...this is where the tears finally won out...
That picture helped me remember. Remember the blessings. Count them. Marinate in them and let their joy envelope me...
Remembering the joy - counting the blessing of this home. My childhood home. That I can still look out the window at the same barn, walk through the same grass, know that my mama and deddy sleep footsteps away...sigh. That my attachment and endearment for being here has permeated to Seth, John & Ella. Seeing their ease & comfort - knowing the beds we sleep in, the kitchen we eat in, the living room that welcomes Christmas morning for a new generation of little people just as it has all the years of my life thus far...I can only sigh at that.
Remembering that joy allowed me to unravel all the blessings and "cracks of light" that have enveloped us this Christmas season...
A season of song via our lil' songbird John ~ courtesy of lots of Christmas program practice
Aforementioned picture of our radiant snowbaby...the heart of our joy is in her radiance
Family :)
Sunshine moments ~ this girl, that smile
This boy's joy ~ riding the train, finally
Chester
2002~2011
your presence is missed buddy
Finally "home" ~ welcoming a new perspective
Lots of dancing & "fa la la la la - shake your booty" (Lord, I hope those aren't replaceable 'batterants' in those things)
After many practice runs up & down the hall @ Nana's (and one hard lesson learned that the wick IS hot)...getting to see our big boy light his 1st Advent candle (thanks Tay & Tan for the moral support)...heart be still
Christmas Eve ~ the music, the glow, the family, the lovefeast..the busyness in the left wing :)
The daughters, their children ~ 1 of many, life is so full & blessed moments
Christmas morning...
the joy of :)
doubled :)
Family ~ the reminder of blessings, the juxtaposition of all we think we know about life and love aligned with the breadth of all we have yet to learn and remember
The solidarity of home, family, celebrating & remembering...the gifts given that don't need to be unwrapped, but merely realized and received
Sending a belated Merry Christmas...hoping the blessings were felt, hoping the year in review gives perspective, hoping the new year brings new horizons, hoping that each day will be met with a thankful heart.
Blessings for the new year...
Sunshine~ There are tears of joy from reading this~ Each and every moment we had together were precious...It means so much to have you and your family come 'home' for Christmas and I always hope this will be a place of comfort for all of you~ The moments are forever in my heart, from John's first lighting of an Advent candle to lil' Ms.Ella's dancing:)....they have my hear forever. Always thankful for you and Seth and all that you did for us here at 'home'
ReplyDeleteI love you so much ,Mama