Something like a stream of conscience...

The longer you stay away, the harder it is to come back sometimes.  That's not a saying - that's reality.  When I last "voiced" here, I was on the cusp of a scaling back professionally.  In what seemed like a blink, I've now tabled completely all notion of what I've spent the last eight years professionally "building."  I use that last word loosely (hence the quotes).  Though in some moments, incomprehensibly bittersweet, the silver linings that unfold with each day are momentous and aren't giving me much energy to spend looking back.  Despite how melodramatic all that seems, I've decided that it's not something I am going to speak much about.  The breath, the energy, etc. - not worth it.

Moreover, this new bubble of life I'm living in - quite different.  New version of a morning commute - the view looks a little like this...

The daily agenda - well, largely up to me.  Can't call myself a stay-at-home mom exactly - the kids are still in daycare.  I've kept them home here & there, but most days it's just me, Salem and a lot of peace and quiet.  It's a God-send.  It's a pause in the life I thought I was chasing to see clearly that I was trying to run too many races.  It's a needed step back to remember, to hope, to truly learn what it means to be still.  It's a birds eye view outside the status quo.  The view from "up here" certainly affords an amazing perspective - things that matter & things that don't...the clarity is amazing. 

So,the values I alluded to back in March:

(1) Family

(2) Being the Traci God means for me to be (yes, that's me)

 

 

I'm steeping myself in these.  In being afforded time and perspective to heal from the last few months, I'm getting back the "hitch in my giddy up" so to speak.  Smiling more, laughing more, lingering in the moments more - with the babies and with Seth.  Soaking like sunshine - letting that sponge fill.  Speaking to #2, for the first time in my life, I'm really "listening."  Opening my heart and mind, closing my mouth, seeking His fulfillment in me.  Amazing what you hear when you stop talking, thinking, doing.

 

Been back office working on a venture with Seth for a couple of months now.  On the cusp of seeing some fruition in that.  One of those silver linings - had not the other happened, this couldn't have happened.  Had not the darkness been so prevalent - the light could not have shone through so bright and hopeful.

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Enough about that - more about thundering beats...

 

 

 

That boy - that girl (deepest of sighs).  I don't even know where to begin.  Each day is it's own adventure, sometimes challenge, new level of pride and always a fair amount of laughter.  They are our lil' muses and we continue to be so humbled and grateful for the blessing of being their parents.

 

Starting with the 1st born - between his down east (like S.Alabama) accent, his lil' quips and his sweet interjections and proclamations that make his mama cry - a tender heart if there ever was one.  As I've been suffering with a severe strained muscle (what happens when mama thinks she's a lumberjack) this week, last night John said thoughtfully as I was struggling to position myself on his floor, "Mama, I'm gonna pray 'bout that tonight."  Um, wow - humbled.  Followed later with shaking laughter.  As we were kneeling by his bed praying, what came out was "Thank you God for mama's hurt back," followed with a similar statement about it feeling better.  So at least he somewhat stuck to the objective :)  He then paused his laundry list to ask why we were laughing (shame on us).  

As for lil' lucy - just as tenacious as ever.  As Seth noted, whenever we talk about her, we always conclude with knowing smiles and shaking heads.  We know we're in for a whirlwind with her.  She's quite spirited (aka high maintenance, dramatic, possessive, bully-ish, persnickety, sneaky, precocious) - yeah, we'll just say spirited :)  Moreover, beyond all her spirited ways, she's a loving lil' cuddle bug who wallers all over us.  If there's a lap for her to plop in or arms to scoop her up - count her in.  We love it, thus we can look past all that spirit, ha.

Together, they delight and frustrate us.  Even when they frustrate - the hindsight still brings delight.  Their lil' dynamic is great and despite riffs - they have a certain kind of looks, laughs and hugs that only the other gets. 

A funny Seth got from daycare yesterday.  Ms Tanya, John's teacher said that the other day at lunch Ella got up from her table, walked over to John's table, picked up his milk cup and dumped it on him.  I'm chuckling as I write this.  Were Seth & I surprised - not at all.  I think Ms Tanya said she ran back to her table laughing.  That's Ella :)  No doubt our lil' buddy was probably a lil' devastated, thankfully she said there wasn't much milk in the cup.  Her normal teacher is off getting married and honeymooning, so I'm not sure if this sub had Ella positioned under the usual high-watch of her solitary lunch table (yes, she sits by herself away from the other children so that they can eat & she can be watched) - again, that's Ella :)

There are so many lil' moments happening with them.  A couple more funnies of late...

 

Last week we were laughing at John asking Mimi if they could go to Africa tomorrow.  They actually ended up in chicken houses down in the JoCo, not Africa, but an adventure just the same.  He makes lots of references to Africa and all the animals he'll see there :)  I hope he can get there someday...

 

Lucy's certainly on the high end of the language curve (confirmed at last week's 18 month well-check).  She's prone to dropping things within clear reach, then pointing/grunting/whining and gesturing that you pick it up for her.  We usually say, "you can get it."  The other day (no joke), she said, "no, you go get it".  Seth & I just looked at each other in disbelief - we're not ready for another talker...especially one who already presents so much attitude :)

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Well, time to migrate to my other workspace - the one with the sink, stove, fridge.  In some recent home improvement efforts, someone (me), dialed back the chest freezer's setting, apparently to "not cold whatsoever" so now I have an ass-ton of protein to prep/cook.  THANKFULLY, we didn't lose everything - we now just have to cook it all w/in the next 24 hrs (see me finding that silver lining, ha). 

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Hope everyone's spring is off to a blessed beginning.  Hope the grace of Easter found your heart.  Hope you find some time to "take the view", whatever it may be...