I miss the "box" - the box I lived in for so long. I knew it's corners, it's schedules, it's predictability, it's limitations - it was sure & it was safe. I miss knowing without having to think what day it is. I miss the sameness from one week to the next - the drone of routine. I miss having a space outside the home - a place where the expectation was a steady pace and if I wanted to just go shut my door and ignore the world, I could likely do so. I miss the confidence and pride that used to come so easily when talking about what "I do". I miss living inside the status quo thus having to think about myself to the point of feeling selfish sometimes.
(deep sigh) Feels good to put that out there...
As much as I can find myself missing the above if I show up to my own pity party (the only type of party I truly despise) - I can't be remiss on the flip side of things. As I told Seth over lunch yesterday - I'm also really happy. Those words, sadly, don't come out of my mouth very easily. Not that it lessens that I truly feel that way, but I get a little Chicken Little-ish in saying that aloud. Since the sky's still intact this morning, I'll even put that in writing - I'm really happy :)
The freedom now afforded to me without those "corners, schedules, predictability, etc." is amazing. The depth of "you only live once" and each day being a gift - yep, so much truth in that. The ability to fill my days with a worthwhile-ness that satiates the wife and mother I've longed to be for my family while allowing me to create and move forward in bringing to life a dream I may have not otherwise ever got off the ground - pretty amazing.
(more sighing) just needed to put some words out there this morning. I miss this space. I miss cataloging the ever amusing & endearing nuances of the lil' "cherubs" :) I hope to pop back in for a "Fun Things..." next week - I miss those too.
A preview of the cherubs (cough) on the 4th for weekend carryover :)
Happy WACDD!
~ Glad you were able to 'put it out there' today..and at the same time being 'blessed' and thankful for it~ The gift of each day is at your doorstep to make it what you will~ some will be memorable and others you would rather forget...embrace it all Sunshine~ all my love, Mama
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