Nothing to say...

He really doesn't have that much to say, she told me, so don't get him started.

...borrowing from the sentiment of this Story People, trying my best not to get started right now.  Asking God to quiet my racing thoughts and help me find stillness in thought & action.  Trying to quiet all the "noise" so His voice can ring loud above.

Truth be told, I'm kinda stuck in a moment (for lack of better words) that has rendered me a little beside myself lately - gonna share some tidbits that have helped me keep perspective, know how to pray, allowed a lil' "woe is me" here & there and provided integral laughs...

This prayer from the Moravian daily text - on heavy rotation right now...

Our Lord and our God, forgive us when we turn away from you to a place
that is comfortable and predictable. Give us the strength and desire to
embrace change and the unknown as we follow you. Amen.

Story People - Vale of Tears 

collecting little mementos to prove her theory that this is a vale of tears &

my advice is you damn well better stay out of her way 

Another SP - Face the Day

My eyes only see stuff I believe in already, she said. I couldn't face the day otherwise.

Following from that sentiment - a quote from Holly Gerth

When life gets hard the lies get loud.
But in the middle of all the noise, there is still what’s true.

John's turkey recipe...this one's a laugh :)

 

Perfectly Anxious - another SP

(the truth in this one's hard to swallow - insert big "dammit")

missing a perfectly good day because she's sure that she should be anxious about something

A good kiss my a** SP, if you will :)

Today she decided to be suitably ambiguous, so you can think whatever you like about her (Amount of time scheduled for the opinions of others = Zero)

Reminders of how mighty my God is...

The Lord appoints the sun to shine by day, decrees the moon and stars to
shine by night, stirs up the sea so that its waves roar.
Jeremiah 31:35 (NIV)

The "warm blanket" around my heart - simply, truly and really...

Christ is our peace. Ephesians 2:14

Hearing my own "advice" ringing back in my ears (eating words = painful)

there's no way we can be living for Him & enjoy the fullness of His blessings if we're spending tons of energy worrying about other people.  

 Had a laugh w.Seth on our jaunt to Winston for Thanksgiving.  In reference of the life being "like a railroad" model.  Telling him the tracks felt like they were getting "steep" (he laughed - he's more of a hills & valleys kinda guy).  But next breath, I had to maintain - "Nope, I still say railroad - even when something feels the worst, it's all about perspective.  Just because that's taking the focus, doesn't mean there's not even more good & blessings to be counted on the other side."  In the midst of the seeming worst (rolling my eyes at the melodrama infused in use of "worst") - the bad seems to be consuming, but it's because it's stealing our attention from enjoying the aforementioned "fullness" of God's blessings.  Yeah, I'm "noting to self" on all this.  And just b/c I know the seemingly right answer, I'm still beating myself up over not being able to "mind over matter" right now.

But, here's where God's grace/mercy intervenes, showing me - bigger picture, silver lining, lighter side of the track :)...I may not be able to control my thoughts, emotions

 or tendency to "leak" on a dime right now...but I have this:

(deep sigh)

These 3 - showing me that God is keeping me close.  Feeling His love & faithfulness in the listening ears & comforting arms of the best friend, life partner and all-time ally he gave me in Seth.  Feeling Him when there's breaks in John's "trying 3's" and he squeezes me in a bear hug, the joy heard in his ringing laughter and in his constant singing of all the Christmas songs they're learning at school.  God's nudging my heart with each note ringing out from our lil' songbird.  And finally, my Ella Bella - girl, you are mama's sunshine through & through right now.  The warmth of your smile, your laugh, your running embrace, all your B-i-b-l-e'ing - words kinda fail me.  Thanking God for these saving graces...

(more sighs)

That's really all I have today.  This one's more for "the book".  At some point in the future, I will look back at this and have the perspective to know it was all for a reason.  Where I will have that "a-ha moment" - one more borrowed quote (don't know the source) to convey this sentiment...

Someday everything will make perfect sense.  

So, for now, laugh at the confusion,

smile through the tears 

and keep reminding yourself that 

everything happens for a reason.

......