Here comes the sun...

Take 3 - I have started this 3 times now...hopefully 3rd time's a charm :)

Thought I'd take a different approach and see where I land this attempt...

We get one snooze on week days - one.  It's a sacred few minutes that mentally staves off the imminence of the day ahead - especially that morning jaunt of getting us all "up & at 'em".  Today's snooze found the 1st born laying between us and lil' miss sunshine meandering every which way - pausing here & there to rest her head on Bubba's belly :)

I'll borrow from Seth's thought on his solo breakfast outing w.the lil' darlin's this morning - "...busy, but blessed."  He's usually less on words than I am, but those three are a summation of life at this moment.  And I think that's why I have struggled to write, the sponge is filling so fast and with it needing to be wrung out constantly, brevity is paramount in everything.

So, I'm going to angle for "snapshots" of life as of late (late as in the last month since I'm back exactly a month later).  In the spirit of brevity, likely to be topped off w.a serious helping of stream of consciousness :)

(forgive the quality of these pics - real camera: 1, camera phones: 0)

Mid-Feb we were in Winston for the weekend.  While there we got to celebrate Nana's birthday, give hugs to Apes and baby Fisher and spend time w.lots of grandparents .  John and Ella got to have a big morning at Mimi's meandering around the pond w.Mimi, Grumpaw & Pop Pop.  Salem Belle also had a good play date w.Lilly that involved some swimming and of course a bath :)  I got to spend time Sunday morning w.my Granny & Pappaw - I helped my Granny get Pappaw out of bed, "pottied", dressed and to the kitchen to eat.  I have not words for how humbling that was.  My recollection now brings tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat - like I said, there are not words.

There are tons of pics of the babies at Mimi's and some other great ones (thank you Deddy) on Shutterfly from that great weekend in Winston...I'm only putting the sub-par ones here today :)

Here's Apes, McGee and me @ Fisher's baby shower.  Being able to be with my bestests and give hugs to Apes and baby boy - so needed on so many levels.  Thankful I was able to celebrate that time with her.

Went "antiquing" in my parent's basement while there that weekend.  Found this quilt that Granny Frye made (Granny Frye is Sophia, mother to my Granny Ella) and asked if I could try and rescue it back at my house with a lil' TLC...graciously, my mama let me.  I also got some good back story from my Granny when I told her what I'd found.  She smiled recollecting that Granny Frye and her friend used to sit down in the basement all the time quilting and talking.  I remember the wood stove down in that basement (incident w.a 2nd cousin pushing my hand up against it when it was burning when I was a lil' thing keeps the memory vivid).  My Granny said Pappaw Frye would build them a fire to keep them warm while they would quilt and talk.  She also said that Granny Frye's friend always liked to kiss Pappaw Frye on the cheek when she saw him, "she was a silly little woman."  Here's the quilt, lovingly laid across the trunk in our bedroom - hope to "restore" some of the other gems I came across in my "antiquing" here soon...

Although she didn't take us up on our offer to share a birthday with my Mama - sweet lil' Emma Grace got here on February 21st!  She was a lil' whopper at over 8 lbs.  Though labor was arduous (understating) for Kimberly - mama and baby are home and doing well.  "Aunt" Traci was a tad "anxious" to get over to meet her :)

"Uncle" Seth was a lil' excited too - she was/is precious...

Going in a totally different direction, we finally re-purposed the dining room.  We now have a "parlor" off the kitchen :)  By definition a parlor is a "room where people can sit and talk and relax" - the epitome of what we want this space to be.  We also needed a space for deddy to park his man chair I bought him.  I can't think of anyone more deserving :)  Note:  these chairs don't, but should come with a warning that the user may experience temporary paralysis which may prohibit them from un-reclining for long stints of time...occurring most frequently in moments following the Sunday paper finally making it's way into the house...

And here I am, opposite corner, in "the green chair."  This chair has been with us a while and will be with us wherever we go.  The story behind this chair is that it was a long time resident in my great grandparents (mother's mom's parents) living room.  It was a formal living room and I can recollect it sitting there.  What I don't recollect and my mama can attest to - there wasn't any living & certainly very little sitting in that room, especially in that forbidden chair.  Since I'm a "let's use the good china" kinda person, I get some serious satisfaction/vindication every time I find myself in that chair :)  We love "the green chair," so of course it took it's rightful place in the parlor...

Since that picture was taken, there's a new leather storage ottoman for me to stretch my feet out on that sits in front of the green chair.  However, it's often hard to stretch out my feet b/c I have a lil' person that likes to curl up on the ottoman and as he says, "rest."  It's ok, I don't mind sharing :)

We've spruced things up a lil' and I hope to share updated photos soon.  The biggest problem we're currently having is "spill over" of lil' people and their "stuff" into the parlor.  Building doors is next on the to-do list :)

Only b/c this is cute and makes me laugh am I including this pic of lil' Lucy in her new bathing suit acquired at last weekend's consignment sale.  She continues to be the sassiest thing under the sun and apparently the less clothes she has on, the sassier she feels the need to be.  The funny in this is the socks :)  Funny b/c socks and bathing suits, not so synonymous.  Kinda like bathing suits and undergarments go together - not so much.  She'd kill me for writing this, but my lil' Ella in socks and swimwear makes me think of my other Ella and memories of her in bras and swimwear - on the beach, at the pool, the bathing suit was not worn alone :).  I can only laugh at this - Ella dear, you are in good company and that name apparently brings a fair amount of immunity to general "give a damn-ness " about what other people think and flying your own flag in life.  Just ask every night and day glove wearing John - being the namesakes you both are, enjoy the implications in that, ha...

Speaking of the lil' darlin's - here's a pic taken last night of the larger-than-life babies in their new gear from the bookstore (@ half off of half off - winner winner)...look at these enormous children they're becoming (sigh of the biggest kind)...

And there's my segue-way to stream of consciousness - I warned you it was coming...

Heard two songs in the car the other morning on Pandora's Paul Simon station - "Ain't No Sunshine" and "Here Comes the Sun"...I could not help but smile to myself at the irony of these two playing back to back.  Beyond the smile though, I also felt hot tears start to burn my eyes a little.  A lot of full circle emotions and revelations swirling around right now.  Brings to mind this scraggly paper that hangs to the right of my desk - in view every time I glance over...I need to read it that much:

It's James 1:2-4 and it reads -

 When troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow for your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

I have pulled this down to re-write it several times.  The paper's scraggly (torn hastily from a notebook), the ink is smeared (likely from another hasty moment) and the handwriting is also hurried (I recall vividly the urgency of the moment that it was written).  But, I have conceded that it is just as it should be and I don't pull it down any more.  Borrowing from a near/dear song of ours, "Let us pause in life's pleasures and count its many tears", even though I could pretty up the look of this go-to verse, that wouldn't be giving the "tears" their due respect.

Back to the original thought of those songs I mentioned - they are the tip of the iceberg of life's journey over the last several months.  I will smile through those hot tears b/c I know my endurance is growing and that the sun is here.  That tunnel of last year and those cracks of light have been building blocks in making for a more faithful "train" and life's railroad, while bumpy, dark & scary at times, I will not be derailed.  Slowed down - yes, frustrated - yes, defeated - maybe for this moment, but not on the journey.  Today is all He expects & He promises to be here with me, so I continue to hold my head high knowing that.

Now that I've got all my declarations out of the way (more for the book), I am happy to say that there are some big changes on the Fisher family horizon.  In taking a step back and drawing from a statement I used in my women's retreat a couple of years ago, "Life is much simpler when your values and decisions are clear and your decisions clearly support your values."

Gonna let that stand alone...

Life is much simpler when your values and decisions are clear and your decisions clearly support your values.

So, in that step back, I asked my self beyond growing and nurturing my faith - what are my values?  They were clear and there were two:

(1) Family

(2) Being the Traci God means for me to be (yes, that's me)

 

There's a lot more to tell about #1 and #2, but I'm saving that till the time is right.  God's still and knowing Him, will continue to show me what decisions I need to make and paths He has before me to support these values.

What I will say is that a small decision/step in the right direction begins March 19th.  I am taking a step back and working part-time, hopefully not more than 20 hrs/week.  In those hours that I'm freeing up, I'm going to pray more, focus on my family and open my heart and mind for God to use me in the ways I was made to be used.  He's instilled passions and gifts in me & there's never been a fire in my belly like there is now to use them.

This intentional journey towards self-realization is already proving to be the most amazing thing I've ever done in my life.   Not the easiest, conversely probably the hardest, but I still concede that by far, the most amazing.  Ties back to something I wrote back in July about my thoughts on the concept of "intentional living"...

Intentional Living - I like that, I believe in that, I try to live like that. Life is not something that happens to us. It's a gift - beautiful, wonderful and sometimes painful. We all have the choice of how we "accept" our gift, how we spend it, how we nurture it, how we share it with others. The choice is what marks the intention and I believe in consciously trying to seek inspiration and beauty in the every day. I believe if you set it in your heart to seek what is good - you will find it. Not that there won't be sadness, but that won't be what defines you.

Gonna try and put my money where my mouth is...wish me luck :)

In the hopes of rounding things out (see what happens when I don't write for a month - Lord knows where this could go), here's a video that should make you smile/laugh ~ enjoy...

blessings ~ me