My favorite time of day is just at dark when all thoughts of what must be done stop & small pools of light come alive on tired faces everywhere.
~ Story People
...sigh...deeper sigh...
There is a quiet that befalls our house each night about 8pm. On a weeknight, this usually means that marathon that initiates around 5pm and runs steady & fast straight through has been completed. And if there are "t's uncrossed" (aka chores to be done), they are done with an undistracted, eery calm. That quiet after the storm :)
I always like to use the sponge reference, and keeping with that...there's not much time for wringin' out right now. There's not a pause button, there's not time to thoughtfully savor the moments. There is time/opportunity to hold fast. Life's more like a spin cycle right now. Wikipedia offers this about spin cycles: At the end of the cycle, washing machines spin the load at a high speed to remove most of the water and quicken and ease the drying process.
Yep, that's a pretty accurate analogy by most accounts :) Someday's we feel buried under the above pace, but we're becoming better at allowing this time to be just what it is. Constantly looking at each other smiling, acknowledging, "we're gonna miss this one day" - to which we just laugh at right now - that thought seems pretty far/away.
And the little reflections we see projecting in front of us are stark reminders of how fleeting the little moments are. Be it what they say (or babble in lil' miss's case), what they do, how they erupt in laughter or fall apart in despair (my eyes roll slightly at that) - a dull moment is not to be found. And sometimes I'd give anything to be able to capture each word muttered, each song sung, each dancing jig, each chorus of laughter - to commit it to memory, to open a jar & trap it inside, to hold on to it forever. But I can't do any of that & sometimes it breaks my heart. In the very next breath, I do find peace in knowing it's is God's way of teaching me to be present, to soak my "sponge" even if it all gets tossed in that damn spin cycle rather than the slow, savory twist of the hand to get it all wrung out :)
Next to that jar of sunshine, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that we'd equally fill a jar of cloud/rain sometimes. One that we'd seal up and throw to the farthest ends of the earth. Sometimes that jar nudges (or knocks over completely) all that sunshine. Those cloud/rain moments are usually found when we've repeated ourselves 10 times, either giving an instruction (that must be coming out in a foreign language) or have tried in vain to utter a complete thought to each other amidst all the "joyful noise". If there were a jar collecting dollars for every time we yell the words "I can't hear you over (insert whatever 'joyful noise' being made by equally 'joyful child')!" we'd have probably switched to a gallon bucket by now :)
And it's not just those challenging moments with John & Ella that would fill that gloomy jar. Seth and I bring our fair share of "mess" to days/moments here & there. And if being honest (though it doesn't cast me in my best light), I contribute more "mess" than he does to the jar. But I'm ok with that and know when/where to say my sorry's and thank you's. And in my often repeated defense, "I'm worth it!". Ha, he lets me believe I am, so I can live with that :)
And in the moments where life just brings clouds that hide the sunshine...they make us most sad b/c we know they take away from doing what we should - counting our blessings and living in the moment. And when moments pass and we haven't done what we should, been the people we meant to be, said what needed to be said or conversely put our tongue in action before our thoughts, or maybe (mostly in my case) we continue to beat on that poor old dead horse...as if pummeling him enough will somehow breathe life into him, resurrecting him in all our "rightness" - I laugh as I write this. I can honestly say in MOST cases that the older I get, I seek less to be right and more just to be in peace...the 1st doesn't get the latter, HARDLY EVER (life lesson #108).
The above also rings true in the tireless repetition we find ourselves in w.the babies. No, John doesn't understand WHY we need to leave at a certain time and he will illustrate this by going back inside for an animal to ride w.him in the car, or spinning around three times in the driveway when you want him to get in the car or insisting on some other seemingly non-sensical caveat to him being able to go. No, 3 year old, wonderfully curious tenacious lil' John - he doesn't understand a lot of WHY. But he will hug you like a bear, try to make you laugh, get excited as you pass a field or a beautiful tree whose leaves have yet to fall. He may not always get the WHY, but he gets IT :)
And oh my lil' Ella Bella - tenacity sure runs deep in our house. Her cheerful "nahs?!" to our adamant "NO's", her insistence on climbing on anything/everything - simply to turn back and smile - making sure you're noticing her, or all her jabbering/singing at more than sufficiently audible levels, her little wily ways of making sure she's at the center of it all - yeah, if she keeps on this path she'll get IT too :)
That's the convergence of all that we think we know versus all that being their parents is teaching us. It's an amazing juxtaposition between us & them. It's very much our job to teach them, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that the bigger lessons and truths about life seldom come from us. Nope, they're more from these lil' beings evolving right there at our feet. Their sunshine, their laughter, their tenacity, their fears, their joys, their innocence...
I get Matthew 18:3 And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
I learn a little more every day the depth & truth in that scripture. I also appreciate the challenge it presents. Being the parent, yet making/desiring your heart be as pure and joyful as their's...stopping for that flower, noticing a bird fly by, singing b/c it brings you joy, trying to make someone laugh/smile - yes God, please make my heart like that of my children :) Please slow me down, close my mouth, open my ears - my heart - my arms to embracing these lil' teachers you've put in my life.
Moreover, thank you to my babies - thank you for being our lil' sunshine's even when you're not. In those moments after your lil' heads are resting soundly in your bed - know that if we're not talking about you, reveling in some way you made us laugh - we're likely watching a video or looking at a picture of you. All the while shaking our heads, wearing these knowing grins - how full you make our hearts, our lives, our homes - words fail to convey.
So, those "pools of light" - they're more like basking in the glow...the blessing of today, the hope for tomorrow and all the joys and challenges of living the in between.
Following from this stream of consciousness...a Monday spin cycle, if you will :)
Here's some tidbits from the conceptual "jar" - a few things captured...make sure & pause the player :)
Yep, that's a pretty accurate analogy by most accounts :) Someday's we feel buried under the above pace, but we're becoming better at allowing this time to be just what it is. Constantly looking at each other smiling, acknowledging, "we're gonna miss this one day" - to which we just laugh at right now - that thought seems pretty far/away.
And the little reflections we see projecting in front of us are stark reminders of how fleeting the little moments are. Be it what they say (or babble in lil' miss's case), what they do, how they erupt in laughter or fall apart in despair (my eyes roll slightly at that) - a dull moment is not to be found. And sometimes I'd give anything to be able to capture each word muttered, each song sung, each dancing jig, each chorus of laughter - to commit it to memory, to open a jar & trap it inside, to hold on to it forever. But I can't do any of that & sometimes it breaks my heart. In the very next breath, I do find peace in knowing it's is God's way of teaching me to be present, to soak my "sponge" even if it all gets tossed in that damn spin cycle rather than the slow, savory twist of the hand to get it all wrung out :)
Next to that jar of sunshine, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that we'd equally fill a jar of cloud/rain sometimes. One that we'd seal up and throw to the farthest ends of the earth. Sometimes that jar nudges (or knocks over completely) all that sunshine. Those cloud/rain moments are usually found when we've repeated ourselves 10 times, either giving an instruction (that must be coming out in a foreign language) or have tried in vain to utter a complete thought to each other amidst all the "joyful noise". If there were a jar collecting dollars for every time we yell the words "I can't hear you over (insert whatever 'joyful noise' being made by equally 'joyful child')!" we'd have probably switched to a gallon bucket by now :)
And it's not just those challenging moments with John & Ella that would fill that gloomy jar. Seth and I bring our fair share of "mess" to days/moments here & there. And if being honest (though it doesn't cast me in my best light), I contribute more "mess" than he does to the jar. But I'm ok with that and know when/where to say my sorry's and thank you's. And in my often repeated defense, "I'm worth it!". Ha, he lets me believe I am, so I can live with that :)
And in the moments where life just brings clouds that hide the sunshine...they make us most sad b/c we know they take away from doing what we should - counting our blessings and living in the moment. And when moments pass and we haven't done what we should, been the people we meant to be, said what needed to be said or conversely put our tongue in action before our thoughts, or maybe (mostly in my case) we continue to beat on that poor old dead horse...as if pummeling him enough will somehow breathe life into him, resurrecting him in all our "rightness" - I laugh as I write this. I can honestly say in MOST cases that the older I get, I seek less to be right and more just to be in peace...the 1st doesn't get the latter, HARDLY EVER (life lesson #108).
The above also rings true in the tireless repetition we find ourselves in w.the babies. No, John doesn't understand WHY we need to leave at a certain time and he will illustrate this by going back inside for an animal to ride w.him in the car, or spinning around three times in the driveway when you want him to get in the car or insisting on some other seemingly non-sensical caveat to him being able to go. No, 3 year old, wonderfully curious tenacious lil' John - he doesn't understand a lot of WHY. But he will hug you like a bear, try to make you laugh, get excited as you pass a field or a beautiful tree whose leaves have yet to fall. He may not always get the WHY, but he gets IT :)
And oh my lil' Ella Bella - tenacity sure runs deep in our house. Her cheerful "nahs?!" to our adamant "NO's", her insistence on climbing on anything/everything - simply to turn back and smile - making sure you're noticing her, or all her jabbering/singing at more than sufficiently audible levels, her little wily ways of making sure she's at the center of it all - yeah, if she keeps on this path she'll get IT too :)
That's the convergence of all that we think we know versus all that being their parents is teaching us. It's an amazing juxtaposition between us & them. It's very much our job to teach them, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that the bigger lessons and truths about life seldom come from us. Nope, they're more from these lil' beings evolving right there at our feet. Their sunshine, their laughter, their tenacity, their fears, their joys, their innocence...
I get Matthew 18:3 And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
I learn a little more every day the depth & truth in that scripture. I also appreciate the challenge it presents. Being the parent, yet making/desiring your heart be as pure and joyful as their's...stopping for that flower, noticing a bird fly by, singing b/c it brings you joy, trying to make someone laugh/smile - yes God, please make my heart like that of my children :) Please slow me down, close my mouth, open my ears - my heart - my arms to embracing these lil' teachers you've put in my life.
Moreover, thank you to my babies - thank you for being our lil' sunshine's even when you're not. In those moments after your lil' heads are resting soundly in your bed - know that if we're not talking about you, reveling in some way you made us laugh - we're likely watching a video or looking at a picture of you. All the while shaking our heads, wearing these knowing grins - how full you make our hearts, our lives, our homes - words fail to convey.
So, those "pools of light" - they're more like basking in the glow...the blessing of today, the hope for tomorrow and all the joys and challenges of living the in between.
Following from this stream of consciousness...a Monday spin cycle, if you will :)
Here's some tidbits from the conceptual "jar" - a few things captured...make sure & pause the player :)
~Oh my, just hard to put into words, the feelings, emotions, love,faith, all that your blog embraces~ you are so blessed as a family to'get it'~ and your children are so blessed to have you as parents~ these lil' tidbits as you call them are priceless, just precious~ Love you always, Mama
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